I didn’t want to lose my hair but now that it’s mostly gone, I just want a smooth head without a trace of hair on it. Right now I have a little stubble and it’s quite annoying. I can feel it under my hats and when I sleep. It’s slowly falling out — but not quickly enough. I hesitate to use a regular razor to smooth it out because I don’t want to cut my head in any way — any sort of cut could result in an infection due to the chemo. So when I take a shower, I rub my head in every possible direction to cause the hair to fall out. It works — my hands are covered with little hairs each time I look at them — but still, I have traces of stubble and I now realize how thick my hair was.
I had no idea how long it would take for my hair to actually fall out. Maybe it’s a long process to allow for adjustment. First, I had to deal with thinning hair and a mess all over my bathroom counter. Then I had the trauma of shaving it all off. Now I have the hassle of stubble. Next, I’ll have a completely smooth head — and in an odd way, I’ll be happy for it. It will be the lesser of all the evils, and I will be closer to getting my hair back than I have been with any other step in the process.
Speaking of hair, I had a friend come over today for a haircut. I had not seen her in a long time — so long that she did not know of my breast cancer. As I was cutting her hair, Joey said to her, “Did you know, I cut mommy’s hair. Actually, mommy is bald!” This friend said, “Really?” I think she dismissed his comment as just another crazy comment from a four-year-old. She has a four-year-old too. So then I told her my story and confirmed what Joey said. She told me of a young woman in her family with breast cancer — stage 3. She had her left breast removed and had 9 lymph nodes test positive for cancer. I am stage one. I have both breasts, and none of my lymph nodes were positive. I guess I am lucky that my biggest trouble right now is my bald head.
Photo pictured above: My new hair and a new hat too!