I am anxious today. I feel unsettled and nervous and far from that peaceful feeling I have been enjoying on most days. I am scattered in my thoughts and emotions and feel like I did months ago, before therapy and anti-depressants. I think this is temporary — an “off” day, a low point.
I am never really sure of the exact cause of my anxiety. But I can guess that this time it comes from the approach of my year-long Herceptin therapy which begins on Wednesday. I am nervous about my first infusion of this new drug. I don’t know how my body will react and I wonder if I will have any side effects. I don’t know if it will damage my heart or if I will function normally for the next year. There are too many unanswered questions in my head and I can’t seem to manage them all. I know one day I will look back at this time as nothing more than a necessary step in my recovery process. That’s how I see all my previous treatments and procedures and worries and anxieties. They are short-lived and my body will find peace again.
So Wednesday will come and go and somehow, I will survive the day.
And probably the whole year too.