On Saturday, my mom and I attended a half-day seminar on the topic of breast cancer. It was sponsored by Shands Hospital and many of the speakers were my own medical people — a surgeon who took my blood prior to my lumpectomy for research purposes, an oncologist who treated me both times I was hospitalized during my first chemo regimen, my physical therapist, and the woman who coordinated my initial care when I was first diagnosed. I already knew a lot about what they talked about but I learned that there is a lot on the horizon for breast cancer detection and treatment — like new radiation techniques that can limit the treatment time from seven weeks to just one week and methods for detecting the smallest trace of breast cancer before it begins to grow. My physical therapist is studying cancer-related fatigue (I think I have it!) and how to manage it. It amazes me that these medical professionals are spending their work days seeking cures and miracles. What a huge responsibility. What a noble cause. I am lucky to be in their care.
But after hearing about all the science and hope and possibilities, I am reminded mostly of one loud and clear message I heard on this day. The oncologist spoke about the components of breast cancer tumors — there are about six criteria that are taken into consideration when studying a tumor, such as age, stage, grade, lymph node status, hormone receptivity, and HER-2 status. My criteria are: age 34 at diagnosis, stage 1 (out of 4), grade 2 (out of 3), lymph node negative, ER/PR negative, and HER-2 positive. Some of this is good; some not so good. A balance that has left me feeling okay about my personal situation. But the oncologist said, “even a good tumor in a young women is a bad tumor.”
I guess I knew this. My age is what qualified me for aggressive treatment — because young women have the most aggressive tumors. But to hear it spoken in a formal teaching setting, and in somewhat of a grim tone, is troubling. But I’m OK. I’m not wounded by this bit of information and I’m not anxious like I once would be. I still feel like I am winning my battle, so I can take this in stride. And if cancer comes back to me one day, I’ll just keep fighting — like this young woman who is quoted in the book, “Hope Lives: The After Breast Cancer Treatment Survival Handbook.”
“Why do I keep going through treatment when there is no permanent cure? I ask myself this every time. There are no options other than death, which to me is no option. It’s not that I fear death. I really don’t anymore. I just love life too much to quit. It’s a race against time. Treatment buys me time until they come up with new drugs or new ways to treat this illness. I’m not quitting.”
Robin, age 38, diagnosed 1996, 1998, 1999
Jacki Donaldson
You can not win a battle or a race unless you fight and participate. You will win, Jacki. In so many ways, you already have. You’re awesome !
Love, Jane
I love the line, “I love life too much to quit!” It applies to so many times in life – whether fighting a personal battle, or one of your children’s battles, or maybe in just trying to stay focussed at work or even on an exercise goal… it seems appropriate in so many settings. I will “tuck” this one away for future use.
I am sorry that you had to hear some not-so-good things about your situation. I know it is obvious that cancer will always have a downside, but hearing it out loud always makes it a little more real, and I am sure you cannot help but be bothered by it a little.
Jane is right though… you will win. You have the strength to fight, and that strength comes from knowledge, faith, commitment, and love… quitting will never be a part of your life!
Love,
Renee
I am sure 10 years from now when you go to another conference or read another article, all of the information will still have the same importance to you. Unfortunately you will always have to say that breast cancer was a part of your life, but you also will always be able to say you are a SURVIVOR.
When you attend that conference 10 years from now there will be new developments to help detect it and prevent it, and those will be of interest to you. However, you will be one of those who was diagnosed early and was able to fight it and beat it. Perhaps you may even be a test case as to how to handle it and beat it and remain healthy and strong. It would only be natural to always have that “uncertain” thought in your head when you hear doctors talk about breast cancer. How could you not? But, you are a fighter and survivor. You can handle whatever is thrown at you. Look at your progress so far. A year ago you were thrown a curve and have come out on top. Continue to be strong and positive. Two qualities I adore about you.
Take care!
Another great entry. The medical progress is truly amazing but not quick enough for those of us who have been personally influenced by the disease. I hope you are getting a lot of support for your October 15 fund raising effort. I saw the flyers at school this week!! Good idea!