I Run for Life
(Melissa Etheridge)
It’s been years since they told her about it
The darkness her body possessed
And the scars are still there in the mirror
Everyday that she gets herself dressed
Though the pain is miles and miles behind her
And the fear is now a docile beast
If you ask her why she is still running
She’ll tell you it makes her complete
[Chorus:]
I run for hope
I run to feel
I run for the truth
For all that is real
I run for your mother your sister your wife
I run for you and me my friend I run for life
It’s a blur since they told me about it
How the darkness had taken its toll
And they cut into my skin and they cut into my body
But they will never get a piece of my soul
And now I’m still learning the lesson
To waken when I hear the call
And if you ask me why I am still running
I’ll tell you I run for us all
[Chorus]
And someday if they tell you about it
If the darkness knocks on your door
Remember her remember me
We will be running as we have before
Running for answers
Running for more
It’s been one year since they told me about it — one year ago today. The day before Thanksgiving. There have been sad moments and dark moments and moments that seemed to last a lifetime. But mostly, I look back and wonder where the year has gone. I credit my busy little boys who kept me distracted by their innocence and wonder and beauty (and their mischievous antics too). Without even knowing it, they gave me perspective. They still do. And they make me laugh. One night we sat in a restaurant — my three boys with their blond hair and me with my new, dark, very short hair. Someone glanced our way and Joey told me, “Mommy, they think you are the Daddy.” Priceless.
John. He has wiped my tears, listened to my worries, saved me on days I couldn’t find the strength to function, and offered endless advice and comfort and wisdom — all while balancing work and school (he graduates with his Masters on December 17th) and his generous household duties that even on a good day, I don’t handle well — he cooks, gives baths, reads books, and puts Joey and Danny to bed. He has had his own difficult road to travel on this cancer journey, but without the support system I have. The spouse of the cancer patient doesn’t get much attention — but John deserves it. He is a life saver.
My mom and sister. I am blessed simply to live in the same city as them. To see them every day. To share talks and walks. To shop and have lunch. To bask in the joy of our little miracles — Joey, Danny and Jordan. But to have them cushioning my fall for the past year is a true gift. They made life easier. They held me up. They dried my tears. They lost sleep for me. They loved me. They amaze me.
There are so many others — family and friends and acquaintances — who have helped me get through this year. I am thankful for every person who has warmed my heart, held my hand, shared in my sorrows, and lifted my spirits. I am thankful today and tomorrow and every day.
And as I give thanks this Thanksgiving, I begin my second year as a cancer survivor. And I continue to run for life.
Jacki Donaldson
April on 11/23/2005 at 10:08 pm said:
I can’t read your comments anymore without crying a little bit. I am so fortunate to know you and to have you as a friend. I think of you and the many others everytime I hear that song you mentioned. What powerful words!
Something made me check your website before bed because I knew you would be reflecting on the year. Now I know why I did. Your words carry me a lot of times and push me to be thankful for everything I have. You see the joy in every little moment with your family and friends and write about it in such a way I feel as though I am there talking to you. Your details help me to remember that these times should cherished. Times with our children, things they say to brighten our day. Times with our spouse or close family. All of these everyday occurences that could be gone tomorrow.
Tomorrow I will travel to nice, warm, comfortable house (it is in the 20′s here)and sit around the Thanksgiving table with family and talk about what I am thankful for.
I am certain to mention my long time friend from Florida that is now cancer free. Someone that I can’t imagine my life without. Congrats to you on completing this long, emotinal year and for being a true survivor.
I love you!
April
Kim Stigler on 11/24/2005 at 1:55 pm said:
Jacki,
I am so thankful for your clean bill of health. I often read your blog over and over and just can’t put my feelings into words. I admire all the people that can leave you a message of encouragement. You have always held a special place in my heart, it just continues to get deeper and deeper! You have always been an inspiration, ever since our high school years together! You were there to support me and I want you to know I have always supported you…even though the words weren’t there.
Have a blessed Thanksgiving! This is one that hopefully will replace the memories of last year’s day. Continue to be strong and enjoy every moment with those 3 boys of yours, your mom, sister, brother in-law and Jordan.
I think of you often!
Kim
Jane on 11/25/2005 at 9:54 pm said:
Carters makes sweet little baby clothes under the name, ” Just One Year “. I think they use that name to mark all the amazing changes a newborn goes through in that first year. It’s the same for you. Knocked to your knees that day before Thanksgiving a year ago, you faced a whole new journey. A small step at a time, a set back here and there, giant leaps in between… all bringing you to your ” clean bill of health” of today. Many of us prayed, many helped in person, all sent love. Your precious boys filled your arms. John agonized when he couldn’t take it all away for you. Why couldn’t his love be enough to conquer this evil thing ? We don’t know the answers. We only know you worked hard to be a survivor. We are so happy you are. I’ll see you tomorrow, Sweet Pea.
Love, Jane
Renee on 11/28/2005 at 10:42 am said:
I am glad that you wrote the words to the song… I never get to listen to the radio anymore… too many teenage boys with differing musical opinions!
I will keep the words of the chorus with me as we approach our one-year anniversary. Though we are fighting a different battle, the words are still true.
I am so happy for you that you can look back on this year as a success. You have learned to fight… learned to love… learned to cherish… learned to listen… and learned to accept. I hope that someday I can do the same.
Congratulations on the close of a difficult year!
Love,
Renee