I Run for Life
It’s been years since they told her about it
The darkness her body possessed
And the scars are still there in the mirror
Everyday that she gets herself dressed
Though the pain is miles and miles behind her
And the fear is now a docile beast
If you ask her why she is still running
She’ll tell you it makes her complete
I run for hope
I run to feel
I run for the truth
For all that is real
I run for your mother your sister your wife
I run for you and me my friend I run for life
It’s a blur since they told me about it
How the darkness had taken its toll
And they cut into my skin and they cut into my body
But they will never get a piece of my soul
And now I’m still learning the lesson
To waken when I hear the call
And if you ask me why I am still running
I’ll tell you I run for us all
And someday if they tell you about it
If the darkness knocks on your door
Remember her remember me
We will be running as we have before
Running for answers
Running for more
It’s been one year since they told me about it — one year ago today. The day before Thanksgiving. There have been sad moments and dark moments and moments that seemed to last a lifetime. But mostly, I look back and wonder where the year has gone. I credit my busy little boys who kept me distracted by their innocence and wonder and beauty (and their mischievous antics too). Without even knowing it, they gave me perspective. They still do. And they make me laugh. One night we sat in a restaurant — my three boys with their blond hair and me with my new, dark, very short hair. Someone glanced our way and Joey told me, “Mommy, they think you are the Daddy.” Priceless.
John. He has wiped my tears, listened to my worries, saved me on days I couldn’t find the strength to function, and offered endless advice and comfort and wisdom — all while balancing work and school (he graduates with his Masters on December 17th) and his generous household duties that even on a good day, I don’t handle well — he cooks, gives baths, reads books, and puts Joey and Danny to bed. He has had his own difficult road to travel on this cancer journey, but without the support system I have. The spouse of the cancer patient doesn’t get much attention — but John deserves it. He is a life saver.
My mom and sister. I am blessed simply to live in the same city as them. To see them every day. To share talks and walks. To shop and have lunch. To bask in the joy of our little miracles — Joey, Danny and Jordan. But to have them cushioning my fall for the past year is a true gift. They made life easier. They held me up. They dried my tears. They lost sleep for me. They loved me. They amaze me.
There are so many others — family and friends and acquaintances — who have helped me get through this year. I am thankful for every person who has warmed my heart, held my hand, shared in my sorrows, and lifted my spirits. I am thankful today and tomorrow and every day.
And as I give thanks this Thanksgiving, I begin my second year as a cancer survivor. And I continue to run for life.