I constantly work at being a better person. I work at criticizing less, gossiping less, whining less, and yelling at my kids less. I try to understand people instead of judging them. I try to keep my crabby moods from troubling others. And I try to admit when I’m wrong, even when it would feel so much better to be right.
Cancer helps me work on my shortcomings. Because I’ve conquered the disease—for now—I figure I have a second chance at becoming a really good person. So when I learn about a self-improvement technique that seems suited for me, I grab it and try to infuse it into my world. Here’s one I know will work wonders the next time I find myself in a disagreement with a loved one. It comes from Dan Shapiro, a 20-year Hodgkin’s lymphoma survivor, husband of a breast cancer survivor, and psychologist who treats folks with cancer. This guy knows cancer. And he knows how to solve problems for people living with the disease.
Shapiro, who shares his three-step approach to good communication in the premiere issue of heal magazine, has this to say.
First, recognize that cancer shapes most of your interactions with most everyone.
Second, listen carefully and start your response to any attack by acknowledging the true parts of what your opponent has said—even if the true part is teeny tiny. Instinct will have you doing what you normally do—defending yourself, maintaining your rightness—but saying “you’re right” in the middle of a fight is a great way to defuse the emotion of the interaction.
Third, do little things that make your spouse, friend, family member feel loved. Shapiro’s wife likes a clean bathroom. If he cleans it for her, he knows she’ll feel loved.
I’m going to practice these three steps. For better or for worse. I’m banking on better.
good reminder for all of us.
here? It’s surprising my husband by letting him sleep and taking care of the bullmastiff for him in the morning (it’s his “job”)…
M.
hi. my name is celetaise.
im doing some research for my next writing piece.
one of my main characters has cancer. and well, sense ive never had cancer, or much less been in a hospital, i need some major help.
so i was wondering if you could email me one of your blogs or something about the conditions during the day at the hosiptal while in recovery.
my character’s name is Alan. I don’t know what kind of cancer he has, yet. He’s a high schooler. He’s engaged to his girlfriend, wishing to be with her in his last days. I hope to make him recover from cancer in the end.
i’d be much obliged. and if someday my piece gets published, id gladly give many thanks to you.
thank you for your time,
Celetaise Elric <33
Hi,
I thought you might enjoy this video http://youtube.com/watch?v=7_dIn64MkLE
Live strong!
Hi I'm writing to inform you that I have selected your blog to be featured on my new website wwww.masskickers.com. As the power of the internet provides more information about one's new diagnosis, the need for an online health store for the newly diagnosed patient and their loved ones has emerged. Patients are continually looking for information online. mAss Kickers will fulfill this need by offering links to diagnosis specific organizations, offer informational books by leading experts, and inspirational books by survivors of specific diagnoses to provide knowledge, courage, and strength in unity through this intimidating process.
mAss Kickers strives to:
• Promote courage for patients and their loved ones through unity and a fighting attitude.
• Offer support for the newly diagnosed patient, current patients, loved ones of patients, and survivors via a unique diagnosis specific discussion board
• Empower patients, their loved ones, and most importantly the newly diagnosed patient through knowledge
• Offer diagnosis specific books for purchase written by leading experts and inspirational survivors
• Offer links to diagnosis specific organizations
• Provide links to informational and inspirational videos for specific diagnoses.
• Fundraise for research and support in diagnosis specific organizations
If you would like me to remove you please contact me. Check it out! I'd love to hear from you in the forum.
Eric
Hi Jacki, thank you for sharing your story through this blog. You words are inspiring. I’m a magazine editor and would love to hear more–please email me if you’d like to talk. Thanks
Inspirational and eloquent. Thank you.
Hi,
It sounds like you are using your unwanted cancer experience as a wake-up call to living fully and to becoming the best “you” you can be.
Since my diagnosis in 1990, I’ve devoted myself to learning about Healthy Survivorship, by which I mean (1) getting good care and (2) living as fully as possible. Choosing how you deal with adversity is a powerful element in creating the “you” you want to be. My only word of caution is that some survivors put extraordinary pressure on themselves to be “perfect.” So they feel guilty or inferior if they fall short of their idealized new person.
Cancer has never been far from my mind, since I’ve been in and out of treatment for over 17 years. I guess you could say my wake-up call has a “snooze button” that keeps going off. I’ve learned that I can only do the best I can do. And nobody – including me – can expect me to be perfect, just because I’ve been given a second (and third and fourth…) chance at life and making that life a good life.
For me, forgiveness is part of living fully.
With hope,
Wendy
p.s. Dr. Dan Shapiro is a valuable role model. Talented and authentic, he’s also a fantastic writer (one of my favorites). And if you ever have an opportunity to hear him speak, don’t miss it.