I changed oncololgists. I did not feel much warmth from my first doctor and needed someone who would be a partner with me in my medical decisions. So yesterday, I met with my new doctor. He told me something I did not expect to hear — that I do not need Taxol, the drug I was to receive via chemotherapy for the next eight weeks. I liked his opinion since I felt really apprehensive about this next round of chemo. He told me some doctors rely a lot on computer programs that spit out statistics on recurrence and mortality. He likes to balance statistics with intuition. And his intuition is that the side effects of Taxol, some potentially long-term, do not outweigh the benefit of receiving this treatment. In essence, receiving Taxol would be an overtreatment for me.
But the decision is ultimately mine — and all last night I was plagued with what to do. So I called my doctor this morning to ask him one more question and he told me he’d been thinking of me since our appointment yesterday. He said he called another well-known oncologist in town and shared my history. They did some research and concluded that with Taxol, I may have a extra .7% chance of survival. Both doctors agreed they would definitely not use Taxol for me. My doctor said that if his wife was in my same situation, he would not advise her to go forward with treatment.
So my decision is made. I will not continue with chemotherapy — which means it’s over! No more drugs. No more side effects. No more hospital trips. My hair can start growing back.
There are some other big things coming my way. I will give some blood in the next few days for a genetic test that will determine if I have a breakdown in a gene that may have caused my breast cancer. If I test positive for this breakdown, the implications are huge. It will mean I have a pretty good chance of getting breast cancer again. And my chances for getting ovarian cancer will be high also. Some women who test positive opt to have their breasts and ovaries removed which cuts down on the risk significantly. If I were to test positive and proceed with the surgeries, I would not need radiation. If I test negative and keep all my body parts, then I will have radiation. It takes four weeks for the test results to come back so within a month or so, I should know which path I might take. But that’s all in the future and I’m going to live in the present right now and enjoy the complete relief I feel that chemo is behind me.
I have long felt that something was not right with this next round of chemo. My gut told me not to do it. But my head argued with my gut and I was completely torn. Just as I gave in and told myself that I must go on, this change of events occurred. I should have trusted my gut.
Jacki Donaldson
